Web Page L. Le Moyne

A waiter asks a man, " may I take your order, sir?"

"Yes", the man replies. "I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?"

"Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."

AUDI

Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

BMW

Bought My Wife

BUICK

Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

CHEVROLET

Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips

DODGE

Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

FIAT

Fix It All the Time

FORD

Fast Only Rolling Downhill

GM

General Maintenance

GMC

Gotta Mechanic Coming?

HONDA

Had One Never Did Again

HYUNDAI

Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

MAZDA

Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE

Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

SAAB

Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown

TOYOTA

Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO

Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW

Virtually Worthless

Love, Lust and Marriage

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room.

Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room.

Marriage- When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.

Love- When intercourse is called making love.

Lust- When intercourse in called screwing.

Marriage- When intercourse is a little town in Pennsylvania.

Love- When you argue over how many kids to have.

Lust- When you argue over w ho gets the wet spot.

Marriage- When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

Love- When you share everything you own.

Lust- When you steal everything they own.

Marriage- When the bank owns everything.

Love- When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.

Lust- When the relationship is over if you don't climax.

Marriage- When.... uh.... what's a climax.

Love- W hen your heart flutters every time you see them.

Lust- When your groin twitches every time you see them.

Marriage- When your wallet empties every time you see them.

Love- When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.

Lust- When all the songs on the radio determine how you do it.

Marriage- When you listen to talk radio.

Love- When breaking up is something you try not to think about.

Lust- When staying together is something you try not to think about.

Marriage- When just getting through the day is your only thought.

Love- When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.

Lust- When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.

Marriage- When you're only interested in your golf score.

Love- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.

Lust- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.

Marriage- When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.

Love- You only leave the house for coffee and doughnuts.

Lust- You only leave the house for condoms and Vaseline.

Marriage- You only leave the house when you're allowed